My son has quite the challenges. In his worst he was not verbal. But just because he was not verbal it did not mean that he was not expressive. In fact he was very expressive and always had a way to make his point. But you had to pay attention. You had to take the time to get to know him. One of our challenges was of course daycare and school. He was often misunderstood, as most highly functioning autistic children are. At times he would give up. It was a considerable amount of work for him to try to communicate the most simplest of needs. I remember when he was in the midst of one of his most frustrating points in dealing with a particular teacher, I told him don’t stop. Don’t give up. I told him that no matter what I had his back. That I understood exactly what was going on. I encouraged him to move forward, have no fear. I have told him many times…”Don’t worry son, I have your back.” It was really neat to see how this gave him confidence.
Lately I have been dealing with more then my share of struggles. I know how important it is to have a network and have prided myself on my ability to be connected. Networked, if you will. But I have not been so lately. I have been very much on my own. Feeling very alone. I could hear God telling me “I got your back, keep going…” But I let myself become polarized, held in the grip of stress, separation, and finally depression began to knock on my heart and in my head.
I did not see anything that told me that He had my back. But I wasn’t looking in the right places. Sometimes God will use circumstances not to bring friends together, Not for a church body to come together and do their good work for the month. But to bring those out on the fringes in to work together.
I have found literally the best of love, the best of genuine care come literally out of the wood work. God has used these circumstances to connect me to others. He is building a new bridge, a new path right before me. But I could not see it. I was too set on looking on what I already knew, not for the new. After all I had my map…I just wasn’t willing to zoom out and see the bigger picture. I wasn’t willing to refocus to the new direction that lay before me.
I just have to remember that my plans are not necessarily those of the Lord. Rather then zoom in on the problems before me…I need to zoom out and be open to a direction or option not considered before. The option of not doing so was to remain lost, or refocus and regain that purpose, my direction, that I had lost.
Today I am thankful for the people God had brought in out of the fringes and into focus. God has my back and I am back on His path, with His purpose. I am very thankful for how He looks out for me and my family.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11