Approximately two months ago I had gotten a very strong notion that change was pushing in. While it was vague, it was a very strong impression. I prayed, and I prayed. I could not get clarity. Did I need to changed something? Did I need to look for something or someone? I had no idea what to do with this. All I could do was pay attention, pay attention to details and people.
I began to notice stuff. Some of it was small things, like not being included for menial things with a group I felt I was deeply a part of. Things became increasingly more difficult, like basic time management between all of my commitments. Relationships became strained over things said, and those things left unsaid. The discord became unmanageable.
I was at a total loss. Here I have this urgency, but no where to go with it. I just simply could not see. I was totally in the dark as to what the Lord wanted. Why couldn’t He just tell me! Oh, how I was getting miffed.
I prayed. I knew I needed to address these difficulties one at a time in order to get clarity. There was just too much noise in my life, too much “crap”. I began to handle one difficulty at a time. Realized it was time to move on from this deeply cherished group. They did nothing wrong, but my season with them was over and I need to trust that He had prepared a place/a need with in another group, somewhere. I needed to address the time management issue. That meant giving up a small job I really cared about. I gave notice trusting that He had a plan for them and me.
While I still have not fully connected with a group, I did get confirmation that turning over my little job to another was divine. This new person is so much better suited for the position given his personality make. I left praising the Lord after briefing him and with no sorrow.
I still feel the wind of change blowing thru my life, my families life. I still can not see the whole picture and how all the disconnected pieces fit. But the anxiety has left. When you can’t see what is a head, just put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. You will be able to look back and truly believe you have listened and responded to the Holy Spirit.
Sometimes not seeing is truly the only way to believe.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2Cor 5:7